The Gift That Kept Giving....Nightmares

First of all, Happy 2011 to all those of you who still read this blog. I know I have not kept up with it as often as I should but you must know that when I write a blog, I write it with the hopes that those of you who still read it, enjoy it thoroughly.

As you all know, Christmas has come and gone. Yes it's Christmas. It's not "the holidays". The only other holidays I will acknowledge are Hanukkah and Festivus. I refuse to be politically correct about Christmas. Anyway, without digressing any further, this Christmas, was a great one. Not just because my whole family was here at my house, enjoying each other's company and fighting while playing board games, but also because this year I received some of the best gifts ever. I remember the best gift I have ever received and it was one that was not even meant for me.

Let's go back to the early millenia again....

It was time for our annual church youth Christmas dinner. This year we were also having a gift exchange. A few weeks prior to the dinner, we all chose names from a hat or box and were then instructed that the limit was $10 for the gift. By the time the drawing of names was over, every one had already exchanged with each other who they had chosen.

As the night of the Christmas dinner/gift exchange came upon us, we all hurried to get the gifts we should have bought many days prior. I remember going to the nearest dirt-mall with a friend named Ernie and I can't remember who else but he was definitely there because, well, you'll soon find out.

The dirt-mall had the gifts Ernie and I were looking for and fit into the $10 budget we had been given. Now the real question was, would they fit the situation we were about to encounter?

It was dinner night and Ernie and I had our gifts in hand. We were anxious to find out who had chosen our names and also anxious to give our gifts to those people we had chosen. I was more anxious to see what Ernie's gift receiver would say once they opened their gift. His receiver would receive more than he had bargained for.

We were having dinner at one of Downey's most illustrious Italian restaurants. Sure you won't find it open anymore but back then it was top of the line. Italian food made by Mexicans. Can't beat that right?

Once dinner was over, the gift exchanging commenced. Not only were gifts exchanged, but so were fake smiles as people realized what they had been given. I think I got a pair of Solo jeans from the same dirt-mall Ernie and I had been at. I was not happy but exchanged my fake smile accordingly. Then it was Ernie's turn to give the person he had chosen their gift.

Ernie had chosen a guy who we all suspected (and still do) to be a closet homo sexual. I say this only because, well, the guy is probably the most feminine guy I have ever met. From his mannerisms to the way he speaks. We all wonder when he will finally admit he likes men. It will happen soon. And when it does, no one will be surprised. I will call him Oh-Day. Anyway, when Oh-Day opened the gift Ernie had bought, every one began laughing out loud (LOL was not popular yet). Ernie had taken it upon himself to buy our eventually-to-be gay friend a three pack of bikini underwear. Not just bikini but leopard print.

Out of the mouth of gays....

"Pero yo no uso tanga..." ( You have to say this with a gay accent. Come on, you know what a gay accent is...)

PLOPs all around.

Oh-Day then proceeded to throw them back in their wrappings and leave them on the table. Ernie then decided it would be ok to ask Oh-Day to model them. He refused. I was quick to jump on those leopard print bikini briefs. Why? I have no idea. I too "no uso tanga" but I thought they would be funny to wear.

Best gift I ever received. Sure they were meant for Oh-Day but they were up for grabs when he refused to try them on as per Ernie's request.

These "tangas" probably gave Oh-Day nightmares of being mocked for his gayness. He was a innocent bystander. Just a gay guy in the wrong place at the wrong time. They would give another innocent bystander nightmares in the years to come.

Wrong place at the wrong time seems to be the motto for these "tangas"......