Not Too High Please

Ruben is my favorite gay guy. Why? Because he's just a normal dude who likes wiener.

The last time I saw Ruben was this past Tuesday. We met up for lunch after a while of not seeing each other. So much has happened since the last time him and I got together. But one thing remains the same - Ruben loves men. So much in fact that his new favorite motto is "Respect the Cock". A saying made famous by Tom Cruise in Magnolia is now Ruben's life creed. He must have caught the flick on HBO prior to our lunch.

We had planned to have lunch a few weeks ago but weren't able to hook up until this past Tuesday. I let Ruben know that I was available and he texted me the address of where to pick him up. I hopped in my car and headed to a lunch that would change my life once again.

When I arrived at Ruben's job, he was outside waiting for me. This guy never ages let me tell ya. And that was the first thing I told him after giving him and nice man on man, chest to chest, groin on groin hug. The kind of hug no straight man should give another but I find fun to give to my buddy Ruben. I am always up for giving him a cheap thrill. Does that make me gay? Nah. Well perhaps just a bit.

He gave me directions to this place he had told me about when we planned on meeting originally. When he told me about this place he said:

"Dude we have to go to this Mexican restaurant by my job."

"Is the food good?"

"Yeah the food is good AND it's owned by two midget women. Well I think they are midgets....they are very small and speak with those creepy Munchkin Land voices. Dude WE HAVE TO GO!"

"I dunno man. Midgets kind of creep me out."

"Dude!"

"Alright let's go..."

We get to the restaurant and I don't see any midgets. Just a table full of sherriffs and a Mexican soccer game on the television. I felt a little at ease knowing that the midgets weren't going to be serving us that day. I was sitting across from Ruben as we looked over the menu and then I saw his eyes light up and he smiled and said:

"Dude they are here!"

As he finished saying that I heard it...a tiny high pitched voice speaking Spanish. I didn't want to turn around and look but I had to. So I tried to be as inconspicuous as I could. I guess part of the experience of this place was seeing these midgets. I made my not-so-obvious turn and took a gander and what I saw was amazing. These ladies (I believe they were grown women) were not midgets at all. They were smaller than midgets! They were literally Little Women. Like the book but smaller. I watched this YouTube video on Sunday about a dwarfed mini horse...these were dwarfed midgets. I could have put them in a shirt pocket. This is when Ruben told me his dream:

"Dude....you know what I would want to come back as if I were given the chance to do it all over again? Like if I could choose what life to live?"

"What's that?"

"I would want to come back as a midget."

"Why would you want that dude??"

"Because, then I would be cock height."

The End