Guilty of Being Conrad Part II - Justice Got Served

From Guilty of Being Conrad:
"We rolled into the parking lot of the courthouse, parked, and started our walk towards the court's pearly gates."

Part II

The walk from the parking lot to the front of the courthouse was an adventure in itself. It seems as though, that at the Compton Courthouse, there is an abundance of degenerates. I would stereotype the city but I can't. There isn't just people the opposite color of white like most of you think. The heathens who were present resembled a box of crayons. Nadie se quedaba atras. Short, tall, skinny, flacas, even those with the big ol' nalgas....... I felt like we were either the only "legal" citizens or non-gang affiliated people there. We stood out like Conrad's shoes at the entrance of a midget mosque.

I had been at this courthouse before for jury duty. For those of you who have never done jury duty and when you receive your summons just throw it away, i recommend you fill it out and serve your community! Besides, you get off of work and just hang out all day. It's actually fun. Well not that fun but it's not so bad. It's your responsibility as an American!

Anyway, I knew my way around the courthouse so I directed us through the courtyard in between the sea of crayon people which included some guy wearing a cowboy hat with a belt that seemed to be made of snake skin that matched his boots, a big full figured woman wearing boots with the fur and I swear we saw a prostitute prostituting right outside the courthouse! It's a classy place.

In order to get in, we had to wait in line and pass through a metal detector. It's funny how people don't understand the rules when walking through these things. There's always someone who leaves their keys in their pocket or cell phone or even those who forget that they are wearing a buckle the size of VCR with a gold longhorn on it. Sure enough, in front of us was such a person. His name: Conrad. He was too busy flirting with himself in a window's reflecton that he forgot to empty his pockets and held up the line.

Once we got through, we were just a Splash Mountain's line away from getting out of that place. As we waited in line, fear fell over Conrad. He began to freak out thinking he was going to get arrested for not paying the ticket on time. He even went to the extent of giving Omega his keys and wallet so they wouldn't confiscate them. The guy is a true putt. Omega looked at me and I at him, and we giggled softly as we egged on Conrad's fears.

Rian: "Dude there might be a warrant for your arrest..."

Omega: "He's right. It's been pretty long since you were supposed to pay the ticket. I hope they don't arrest you cause that would suck."

Conrad: "Shut up dude! For real? What's my mom going to think!"

Never really thinking about the degenerate crayons who surrounded us, we growled in laughter. You see, we are the type of people who can make any situation into a fun one. Most of the crayons there were in real trouble. They didn't see the jest in having to go to court and face a judge or pay a huge fee. I think Chris Brown was there to dispute a domestic violence charges. Wow.

As we got closer to the clerk, Conrad's fears lessened. Too bad, because it would have been funny to see him plead for the court's mercy to a clerk! In front of us were two guys dressed in their baggiest jeans and shirts with more stripes than a 4th of July parade. One guy was higher than Dave Chappelle in Africa. We knew this only after Conrad asked him if he was next:

Conrad: "Hey holmes are you next?" (Conrad is a master of disguise and can communicate with even the ghettoest of folk)

High Guy turns around and his eyes looked like he had just swam in a pool with too much chlorine.

High Guy: "Nah meng. Go head." His eyes barely opened when he spoke. He then walked himself to a bench, sat down and basically chilled as he waited for his buddy.

The moment of truth had arrived.

"Next."

Conrad: "Hi, my name is Conrad and I received this letter in the mail and I am troubled since it states that my license might be suspended and the fine seems to have increased tremendously. I feel I am being bamboozled."

Clerk: "Excuse me?"

Omega and I were in awe at Conrad sudden change in demeanor. He went from "Hey holmes" to "bamboozled". What a chameleon!

His large vocabulary seemed to have worked because the clerk went from stunned and confused to charmed and helpful.

Conrad: "You see Ms. Pretty...."

With a smile on her face:

Clerk: "It's Patty."

Conrad: "I know...you see Patty, I really tried to get this in on time but....."

And he we on this elaborate rant about this and that. Some how he not only got the attention of Patty, but also of some other female clerk who heard his tragic story and was apathetic. Conrad's serpentine silver tongue had gotten him out of trouble once again.

He had weaseled his way into only paying $300 for the unpaid ticket.

We said good-bye to our high friend quoting Knocked Up saying:

"I don't have pink eye. I'm just really hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh."

We laughed all the way back to parking lot.

Conrad's first order of business as a free man was to inform his mom that he didn't get locked up.

Ticket: $93
Amount Requested: $700
Amount Paid: $300
"Hey holmes": Priceless