The Saving of Rian by a Private

Growing up in the nineties was pretty awesome. At least for me it was. I mean it was then end of the pager era and the beginning of the cellular phone age. AOL was the best online community since myspace's Tom was just a pimple faced ticket taker at his local United Artist movie theater.

Pungu had planned a date with some random AOL girls he had met in one of AOL infamous chatrooms.I think it was Los Angeles 4.

The conversation went something like this:

Pungu85: where are all the retired hoodrats at?

Sweet_buns83: retired hoodrats? LOL. How mean!

Pungu85: girl you know i just say those things to make you laugh

Sweet_buns83: OMG!!! a/s/l/p

Pungu85: 20/m/323/s2r. You?

Sweet_buns83: 19/f/562/pic

Pungu85: brb

After all that coded nonsense pics were exchanged and a double bowling date was set for him, her, her cousin, and myself.

The night of the date I drove my 72 Volkswagen Bug to pick up Pungu. After picking him up, oh I forgot to mention he lived in the ghettos of Remington Park, all of a sudden the bug stalled. We pulled over into a random street to see what was going on. I got out and opened the hood or trunk to see if I could fix the problem. I told Pungu to sit in the drivers seat and when I gave him to word to try and start the car. I fiddled with the carburetor. Once I "fixed" the problem I told Pungu to start the car......

BOOM!

A ball of flames erupted from the engine!

I screamed like a girl to Pungu to get out of the car before it was completely engulfed in flames. For some reason though he nonchalantly and casually just looked back from where he was sitting and took his sweet time to get out of the car. The guy could have died! Burned! Been darker than he already is! Luckily the fire didn't spread to the passenger area. I remember yelling for help and seeing people looking out their windows but not coming out to help. What if the car would have exploded! Freaking ghetto peepers! Just look outside to see whats going on but don't assist in any way.

Our date had to be cancelled.

I didn't know the importance of having AAA so the Beetle had to be left alone until I figured out how to bring it home.

Later on that night I called my buddy Private First Class Omega and asked him if he could help me bring my car home. Being the skilled and trained assassin that he still is he happily obliged. So at around 2:30am we took off to rescue my car.

We didn't have rope or ties or chains or whatever to tow or pull the car so we used the only thing we could find in my car or his truck to hook up the bug. What we found was:

A blanket. Not just any blanket.....a bum blanket. What's a bum blanket? Well basically it was a blanket that had a tag that specified that it was specifically for the homeless.

So Omega used his Marine skills to make a knot that I have never seen before that was good enough to tug the Titanic.

And we were off.

As I drove his truck and pulled the bug, he rode in the bug making sure it didn't get away.

I have to mention that Omega IS the only person I know to do a complete 360 degree turn on the freeway just for "sh*ts and giggles" so I know I called to right person for the job.

There was a problem though......the bum blanket would eventually give way and rip.

It seemed as though we'd be assed out again but thanks to Omega's quick fox-like thinking, we were saved. He had found some twine in the back of his truck under a comforter that he used for "love making". He promised that this next knot would not give and sure enough it didn't.

We made it first to Tacos Mexico, where we were ridiculed by the late night diners, and finally home.

Had Private Omega not been around, who would have saved Rian?