A Star Is Born

myspace and facebook are both wanna bes. They don't compare to the genius which was (or still is, I haven't checked) www.collegiatecircuit.com. Both myspace and facebook are predecesors and carbon copies.

I learned of collegiatecircuit from my pal Lucho. Back in our Gerritos College days, when we would hang out in the computer lab instead of going to class, Lucho was an internet fiend, looking for the next best thing. This is when he found collegiatecircuit.

I won't lie. I used the website to try and find local ladies for local dates at the local Starbucks. And I have to admit that I went on some blind collegiatecircuit dates. I won't sit here and act like I've never been on a blind date with someone I met online. It was the late 90s for crying out loud!

I will never forget, however, one blind date.

I didn't want to go. I know I had told her that I would pick her up but at the last minute I regretted it.

I was having dinner with Johnny Orion and was telling him about how I didn't want to go on the blind date. It was way too late to even blow this girl off since the plan was for me to pick her up from her workplace when she got off and go out. Then we came up with a plan. A plan so great it made Reaganomics look like W's Iraq War exit strategy.

The following is all true.

I picked up my blind date from her prestigious job at JC Penny.

She then asked:

"Who's the guy in the back seat?"

I replied:

"Oh that's my friend Johnny. I had to pick him up. He called me super drunk that he was at some party and didn't know how he was getting home. I couldn't just leave him there."

I said this hoping that she would say:

"Oh ok. Well you should just take me home then so you can take your friend home."

But instead she said:

"You're a good friend! Let's take care of him. We shouldn't leave him alone."

Gosh darn it!

Then Johnny turned it on:

"Duuuuuuuuude! I'm sooooooooo drunk! I think I am going to throw up! That party was off the hook! I'm soooo drunk! I think I am going to throw up!"

He was beautiful. He really sounded and was acting drunk. He was doing such a good job that the chick was finally feeling awkward.

I was like:

"Maybe we should reschedule? I mean, he sounds really messed up. I am worried about him. I can't take him home, his parents will be devastated! He's only 18! I think I should take him to my house until he sobers up."

That didn't work either!

She replied:

"Hey Johnny do you want to go get something to eat with us? Do you want to some coffee or tea?"

Son of a b*tch!

Then Johnny turned it up another notch:

"I think I did some drugs man! I don't feel right."

Then in a worried voice he continued:

"I don't want to have to get my stomach pumped dude! My parents are going to kill me!"

As he said this he was fidgetting and acting all freaked out.

I was driving in the direction of where this chick lived in hopes that she would get the picture and finally say we should call it a night.

She replies:

"Let's go get something to eat. He should be ok if he eats."

This was getting ridiculous!

So I looked at Johnny in the rear view mirror with an annoyed look on my face.

He did like MJ and said "let me take it to the max" and soon became my favorite P.Y.T.:

"Duuuuuuuude I'm freaking out! Where am I! I'm sooooo scared!"

He then threw on the water works. Like a true star.

That did it!

She said:

"You know what, maybe you should take him to your house and take care of him. He seems really messed up."

In my mind I was like:

"No sh*t Sherlock!"

But instead said:

"Are you sure? Thanks for being so understanding."

She replied:

"I do understand and you're a good friend."

I said:

"I'm sorry it happened tonight."

She said:

"Don't worry about tonight! Just take care of him. He's lucky to have a friend like you. We will just do it some other time."

I dropped her off finally. As she got out she turned towards Johnny and told him he was going to be ok.

She was finally gone! A block from her place Johnny Orion jumped in the front seat and we laughed all the way home.

A star was born that night. Johnny Star.